A Brief Delay In Beginning The Seven Things Initiative

Okay, okay: it's taking me a little longer to get started than I thought it would take. I had school last night and we're getting ready for a long weekend in Cleveland, so time seems to be at a premium. But I do have three things lined up, so far, that will be posted. I almost just posted those three last night, but I'd like to start with a proper full seven items.

Frankly, I wonder if I wouldn't feel so pressed for time right now if I didn't have so much junk surrounding me, which is, of course, leading to an expenditure of time to get rid of it. Ahh, I guess that's the whole point, isn't it? That's the motivation: break the domino chain.

The Seven Things Project

Okay, so this is an idea that I'm stealing from my brother. Of course, he stole it from someone else, so all's fair. In fact, the idea was meant to be stolen, so maybe it's just better if we call all of this a shared experience towards a common goal.
The general idea is to get rid of seven things each week. Reduce the amount of detritus that clutters my home and my mind. I'll take pictures of what's going bye-bye, maybe say a thing or two about each item. I'll be either giving away, selling, donating or recycling the stuff, so you may even have a chance to claim some of my fine crap.

Let's begin!

Things I did this weekend:

I visited with an old pal and his family. I got to color Barbie's house.

I watched my wedding video. It looks like I had fun.

I watched "Save The Last Dance" with my wife. I also kept watching the end of "STLD" even when the Cubs/Cardinals game started. I'm pretty sure that has more to do with loving my wife than having a defeatist attitude about the Cubs.

I hung a clock in our bedroom. It's been waiting to be hung for a few months short of 2 years.

I went to the emergency room.

I laughed at Melanie Griffith. Not in a flattering way, either.

I forgot to cut my hair.

I contemplated how much I sometimes hate my life/myself. See previous post.

I contemplated making my life better.

Plus all of the other mundanities, etc. that keep us moving from one day to the next.

Bye-bye.

Guess Who's Back... Back Again...

Today was a weird, wonderful, brain-twisting, heart-clutching day. After all that, why not do something completely unexpected and actually write a blog entry? Hooray for randomness!

I realized today that, as much as I love many of the people in my life, I'm not very good at doing something with my love. Nor am I good at accepting love from others. The downside to this is anxiety, loneliness, isolation and occasional insincerity used as a excuse to avoid having to really tap into my ineffectual loving skills. The upside is... nothing.

I don't know if I cry too much or not enough.

I seem to be incapable of being the person that I want to be. Maybe I don't really know what kind of person that is.

My heart is filled with hate on a near constant basis. Most of that hate is directed towards myself.

I'm not alone as much as I'd like to be. I don't get as much companionship as I'd like. Both of these situations are my own fault.

There is a giant hole inside of my soul. I have dropped mountains of possesions, relationships, experiences, lies and compromises into that hole, yet it's still practically empty. I know what would fill it, but I don't drop that thing in. I spend a lot of time, in fact, guarding the hole against that thing entering.

I love who I could be.

And that's all for tonight.