Guess Who's Back... Back Again...

Today was a weird, wonderful, brain-twisting, heart-clutching day. After all that, why not do something completely unexpected and actually write a blog entry? Hooray for randomness!

I realized today that, as much as I love many of the people in my life, I'm not very good at doing something with my love. Nor am I good at accepting love from others. The downside to this is anxiety, loneliness, isolation and occasional insincerity used as a excuse to avoid having to really tap into my ineffectual loving skills. The upside is... nothing.

I don't know if I cry too much or not enough.

I seem to be incapable of being the person that I want to be. Maybe I don't really know what kind of person that is.

My heart is filled with hate on a near constant basis. Most of that hate is directed towards myself.

I'm not alone as much as I'd like to be. I don't get as much companionship as I'd like. Both of these situations are my own fault.

There is a giant hole inside of my soul. I have dropped mountains of possesions, relationships, experiences, lies and compromises into that hole, yet it's still practically empty. I know what would fill it, but I don't drop that thing in. I spend a lot of time, in fact, guarding the hole against that thing entering.

I love who I could be.

And that's all for tonight.